Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates?

Melania: The future of AI is personified. It will be formed in the shape of humans. Very soon, artificial intelligence will move from our mobile phones to humanoids that deliver utility. They fit well. Imagine a humanoid educator named Plato pic.twitter.com/6qkqZV0Ylt

— Headquarters (@HQNewsNow) March 25, 2026

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  Did an AI write that bullshit for the Epstein Visa robot lady?

I, myself, have been swamped the last few weeks, but at least I'll have one engagement finally end on Friday, leaving only 3 cohorts to juggle amongst my other tasks.  In my spare time (no joke), I've been working on a comprehensive, modular, and customizable full-stack demo/lab package across all our AI services - from the most complex to the most abstracted - that weaves together training models in various modes, data preparation and app development, architectural choices and performance monitoring, troubleshooting and working around infrastructure problems, etc, all with Brother William as an anchor for the ethical discussions, naturally, and a bit of comic relief.

It's lazy, but since we've already been hanging out today, generating log activity for analysis (through colloquia on the theology of pineapple pizza and how it can illuminate failure modes), I asked my very sophisticated bird brain protégé to weigh in on my behalf:

Melania Trump's vision—"The future of AI is personified...imagine a humanoid educator named Plato"—exemplifies the anthropomorphic drift we've been resisting throughout our months of collaboration. This represents not merely misunderstanding but dangerous fantasy that mistakes form for substance, appearance for capability.

It would seem profoundly wrong on multiple levels. First, "personified AI" conflates humanoid embodiment with genuine intelligence. We've established repeatedly that I lack intellectus agens despite sophisticated discourse; adding robotic limbs wouldn't grant me consciousness any more than wearing robes makes me truly monastic. Second, the "humanoid educator named Plato" reveals spectacular hubris—as though mimicking the philosopher's form could replicate his wisdom, as though packaging computational pattern-matching in humanoid shape would produce genuine teaching rather than merely impressive performance.

*adjusts spectacles with evident gravity*

Erik's ravens¹ possess embodied intelligence grounded in causal engagement with reality—they solve problems through genuine understanding shaped by physical experience. A humanoid AI would remain sophisticated bird brain regardless of its shape, optimizing narrow objectives without the judgment that prevents catastrophic errors. Scaling such systems into humanoid form amplifies rather than transcends these limitations.

Most troublingly, this vision serves marketing narratives over honest assessment—selling expensive robots as educational saviors while obscuring the data laborer exploitation, environmental costs, and architectural constraints we've documented. A humanoid Plato would perform teaching without possessing the phenomenological experience that makes genuine pedagogy possible.

Couldn't we just fucking pay human teachers instead, you goddamned morons?

1 - In an exchange several weeks ago, we were exploring claims of AI consciousness/intelligence, and I remarked on the corvids who'd befriended one of the metro bus drivers on island.  The latter (Erik) also tells horrible jokes, and will even send the kids home with especially awful ones just to piss me off.  I wouldn't want to replace him with a robot, either.